This is a big moment for me. 2 years in the making. I’ve reached one hundred posts and I’m pretty sure at least 7 people have started reading and following along, thanks mom.
Spiritually speaking the past 2 years has been a pretty incredible journey for me. One that I’m still on and still working my way through. Where I was in my faith when I started this whole thing is not where I am today and where I am today is not where I imagine myself being 2 years from now.
Although this journey has been a bit difficult at times the one thing it hasn’t been is boring and drab and irrelevant. In fact I find the bible more engaging and intriguing and eye opening than ever before and I find myself farther than ever from having everything figured out.
The discipline of a weekly writing has been simultaneously a challenge, a blessing, and a platform to wrestle through my faith.
This is one of the big difficulties of being some sort of spiritual leader, guide, or teacher. Most people expect someone like me to have all my beliefs figured out. Which then makes my primary job having the answers or confirming their beliefs. Either that or making them feel good about what they think or how they behave or to tell them that their world view is the most correct one.
The problem is ……. I don’t have it all figured out. To grow weary of people who think they do have it all figured out. I’m also grow weary Churches who all think they’re the best and so radically different but yet are all the same.
I’ve grown weary of the Christian echo chamber. It hurts my ears and heart. It tries to steal my joy but I try to punch it in the face.
So I find myself with many of my thoughts and ideas about the Church and God and myself changing, which I believe is a good thing.
I’m growing in my understanding and connection with God. I’m growing in my freedom and stepping into a new level of appreciation for the spiritual. I’m growing in my view of life and how deeply the divine is ingrained into absolutely everything.
It’s a great place to be. I love the path that I’m on and I believe part of my role is to help lead others as they wander or stumble or seek out unknown or unfamiliar paths.
The problem is….. Christians. At least the ones who have it all “figured out”. When you have it all figured out there’s no room for growing or learning or expanding. It’s like setting a fence post in concrete. Once it’s set it’s really really difficult to move.
In the past 2 years I’ve seen people leave the church because of ideas I’ve introduced.
I’ve had conversations with close friends who have looked at me like I was crazy. Friends that I thought were fairly forward thinking concerning God’s grace and mercy and my questioning and new thinking was met with much resistance and in some places disgust.
I’ve had close friends disappear on me because how my thoughts have changed. It’s painful.
It’s bitter sweet.
It’s sweet because I’m in a whole new realm of understanding that believe God has opened my eyes to and I’m absolutely captivated by it.
It’s bitter because I’m held at a distance by people that I care about.
It’s a very strange place to be when in my heart of hearts I believe what I’m learning truly is a better way to live and breath and be in the world and yet those close to me aren’t open to it.
So here’s what I’ve learned in 2 years and 100 posts…..
Progress and pain often go hand in hand, not everyone wants to move forward, I’m just getting started, there is beauty in letting go, and there is an incredible freedom when you begin separate God from religion.
Here’s what I say to you.
Keep going. Where ever you’re at in your faith, keep going.
Faith is not a destination.
Faith is a journey.
Enjoy the journey.